Typically, when a client enters counselling, there’s been a big event – or unfortunately, for many, there’s been a long list of things – which led them to counselling.
When someone undergoes multiple stressors, they may start to feel disconnected from the things they used to feel and believe. You may stop believing most people are good, you may start believing you are somehow cosmically cursed, or there is something deep inside which makes you a bad person. We’ve all known that person who utters the words ‘this always happens to me,’ ‘I always get let down by people.’ Do you see where I’m going with this?
When bad things happen to good people, it’s likely you’ll blame yourself. How did I not stop this? Why wasn’t I better? When the reality of the situation is: you did your best and it’s not your fault something bad happened to you. The shame was put there by someone else.
Being self-compassionate can shed light on the reality of experiences, and there isn’t a reason in the world you don’t deserve self-compassion.
Sometimes when horrible things happen, you stop believing in others, you stop believing in joy, you may stop believing you are worthy of joy. You stop believing in who you are and you stop believing in your future potential.
Psychotherapists are essentially keepers of balance, we always have one foot in horror and one foot in beauty, because we believe you when you say something awful happened, and we believe that you do deserve joy. Luckily for psychotherapists, we meet lovely people all the time. Good people experience bad things, but this isn’t their identity. Freud alluded that people are infinite and that’s why we’re beautiful, as we’re constantly evolving. Humans are not static and the things that happen to us aren’t either.
Sarah McGrath Psychotherapy 